Marriage isn’t for you…
Leave your comments to email: firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com Looking forward to hearing from you. Here is a wonderful article of why many marriages are in trouble
In a recent survey. Pastors marriages are failing as in the other marriages. It would seem odd , since they know the scriptures. The phrase in scripture known as : the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak takes its toll on pastors as well.
In my opinion, pastors spend most of their time with CHURCH, OTHERS (people) and community. But spend very little time with spouse and children.
The pastors schedule must be like this. (1) GOD, (2) SPOUSE AND CHILDREN,
(3) OTHERS and this includes church members.
9 Characteristics of a Healthy Sexual Relationship for a Believer
The husband wants sex, but the wife resists. The wife can’t understand why husband hasn’t asked for sex in some time.
The wife feel pressured to give husband sex any time he asks. Both husband and wife wonder if some activity they want to try would be dishonoring to God. Either husband or wife or both struggle to put their sexual past behind them. Husband and/or wife use the Bible to bolster their hardened position or wrestle with a great disconnect between their sexual passions and their faith.
Does any of this reflect what’s going on in your marriage? What is a healthy sexual relationship for a Christian, anyway?
If the gospel doesn’t have an answer for sex, then how can it be good for much else? Sex and sexuality are a huge part of our human experience. God created sex—male and female (See Gen. 1:27). Misused, distorted or ungodly sexuality has destroyed countless lives, broken many hearts and ended many promising ministries.
Research by the Barna group indicates that Americans—and American Christians—vary greatly in what they believe about sex, what they view as the purpose of sex and what sexual behaviors they consider permissible and healthy. The “just say no” message most Christians have heard about sex outside of marriage contrasts sharply with the 21st-century sexualized culture most of us get bombarded with every day. Throw in hormones (for men and women), and it’s no wonder Christians often struggle in this area.
I’m going to begin with the premise that God created sex to be enjoyed between one man and one woman in a committed marriage. The debate behind that premise is for another day. But understanding what that relationship is designed to be can help answer many questions. So here are some thoughts on what it looks like.
A Healthy Sexual Relationship is:
Unselfish. Healthy sexuality is more about giving than it is about getting. Husband and wife focus most on satisfying each other’s needs rather than on fulfilling their own desires. If both partners are focused on each other, most challenges can be overcome. How, when, where, how often, what to do—most of those questions are answered by moving in the direction of what your spouse wants.
Honest. Husband and wife may see the “how, when, where, how often” types of questions differently, but they both honestly yet kindly express their desires, fears, frustrations and more. Although both generally move toward meeting each other’s needs, neither feels forced to engage in sex that would make them feel resentful toward the other.
Seasonal. Not in the sense of sometimes on/sometimes off, but in the sense of different seasons of life and of marriage carry different implications for intimacy. Not every sexual encounter will lead to the same level of excitement or satisfaction. The most important aspects of sex will vary during different seasons of marriage.
A big deal. Instead of being “just sex,” that kind of intimacy between husband and wife really is a big deal. It’s treated as a valuable and precious gift worth guarding, worth working on, worth improving, worth making a priority, worth investing in, worth praying about. It’s not neglected as an afterthought.
Regularly irregular. Sex may vary from often to occasional, from exciting to comfortable, from satisfying to frustrating, based on physical health, life stresses or other factors. In a healthy relationship, husband and wife are committed to coming together physically and reconnect in this way frequently and freely but not legalistically.
Exclusive. Husband and wife look only to each other for the fulfillment of their sexual desires and needs. Sexual intimacy with any other person is of course outside the bounds of healthy sexuality, but so is pornography, emotional intimacy and the like.
Safe and Healing. Not in the sense of boring, but in the sense of being vulnerable without being hurt. Sex or withholding of sex is not used to punish, control or wound. To be completely seen and known and still be loved and accepted is a wonderfully healing experience—from specific wounds in the past and from our common human weaknesses.
Imperfectly perfect. Every marriage is the union of two imperfect people, and so is their sexual relationship. As with every other aspect of marriage, you will almost certainly hurt your spouse and be hurt by them. A healthy sexual relationship provides for honest forgiveness and continual improvement.
More than physical. The act of intercourse is simply the physical aspect of what is a well-rounded intimacy. In a sense, it’s never “just sex.” That complete intimacy includes friendship, forgiveness, emotional bonding, mutual understanding and spiritual connection. Complete marital sexuality, at its best, includes all the above.
There are plenty of Christian marriages where sex does not meet those ideals, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
If you’re experiencing a great sexual relationship with your spouse, celebrate! God is pleased.
If you’re married and not experiencing a great sexual relationship, don’t give up. Sometimes working on the sex is the most important; at other times, working on other aspects of your marriage will result in improvements with intimacy.
If you’re not married right now, don’t give up, either. Fear, guilt, desperation or other negative messages may make you want to settle for something less. I encourage you to hold out for the best.
There are no “10 steps to a guaranteed awesome sexual relationship.” A healthy sexual relationship for a Christian couple is a matter of growth, commitment and God’s grace. It takes effort, and it’s worth working for.
Question: What do you think are the characteristics of a healthy sexual relationship for a Christian marriage? Are there any I haven’t listed? Please leave a comment below.
Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley is both a board-certified OB-GYN physician and an ordained doctor of ministry. As an author and speaker, she loves helping people discover the Fully Alive kind of life Jesus came to bring us. Visit her website at drcarolministries.com.
For the original article, visit drcarolministries.com.
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Confronting the Sins in Your Family Line
You can inherit many of your sin struggles from your family. (Flickr )
There are very few in Christianity who disagree with the fact that we are born with what is referred to as a “sin nature.” Yet, many fail to recognize this is not only just a generalized sin nature at work.
We must understand that many sin battles in our lives we have inherited. Some of the biggest battles you face in your life have been in your family tree for hundreds it not thousands of years.
Some of our sin issues come as a result of our own journey in coming into agreement with the enemy, yet most of our deepest struggles are inherited ones.
We are actually born with certain sin battles that have been undefeated in our family tree. Generational sin is not some generic sin floating in the sky. These specific sin struggles are waiting for the opportunity to repeat in us what has already been in our biological past. These inherited sins are the work of iniquity.
Iniquity can be defined as the sins in our family line that have not been defeated. Because of inherited sin, not only are we born with a seed of sin, but we inherit the unconquered sins of the family.
Iniquity in David’s Life
This is what David realized in Psalms when he came to repentance over the sin of adultery with Bathsheba. He said in Psalm 51:5, “I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me.”
Iniquity can be defined as the sins in our family line that have not been defeated. He not only addresses the fact that he was born with sin, he was also born with iniquity, inherited sin. David realized that he had a generationally inherited lust issue that was passed down from his father. This lust was given more fuel through the rejection of his father. Unbridled sexual lust increased exponentially in David’s son Solomon, who had 700 wives and 300 concubines! Clearly we see here how inherited sin has a compounding work.
Lying in Abraham’s Family Line
In the Scriptures, Abraham had a lying problem. Because of his battle with a spirit of fear, it gave way to a lying spirit. This drove him to lie to King Abimelech, saying that Sarah was his sister, not his wife. Abraham’s son Isaac years later ended up doing the same thing in the same situation. Isaac’s son Jacob also delivered a bold-faced lie to his aging father, by deceiving him into thinking Jacob was actually his brother, Esau. This was all done to steal his brother’s blessing. Even Jacob’s name means deceiver!
So did Abraham take his sons and grandsons to lying classes each week? Did he sign them up for “How to Lie About Your Wife and Lie to Your Family?” This was ingrained in their spiritual DNA.
What Is Visiting Our Families?
Iniquity is what Jehovah spoke of to Israel in delivering the commandments of God. In Exodus 20:5-6, He said, “For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of them who hate Me, and showing lovingkindness to thousands of them who love Me and keep My commandments.” The word “visiting” shows us that the same temptations and struggles will approach the next generation to repeat it. They will track down the inherited line.
If you notice, the sins traveled mainly through the fathers, because they represent the seed. This is why Jesus was born of a virgin. If He had been born through the natural seed of man, he would have been born with iniquity. Jesus could not be born with iniquity if He was to be the sinless Lamb who would take away the sins of the world; another proof of the inherited work of iniquity.
We love the idea of receiving an inheritance of blessing from God through our family history, but we despise the notion of receiving the iniquity of our family lines. We can either ignore the issue, blame our families for our problems or we can take a stand for our generation and the generations to come.
I love the heart of Nehemiah. He watched what the sins of his family did to his nation and his own personal life. If we would carry this same heart as Nehemiah, we would not only see our lives healed, but the land transformed too. Instead of whining or complaining, he had a prayer fest with God; addressing not only his own sin battles, but the ones he inherited that were still affecting the land. If we would carry this same heart, we would not only see our lives healed, but the land transformed.
“Now on the twenty-fourth day of this month the children of Israel were assembled with fasting and sackcloth, and there was dirt on them. The offspring of Israel separated themselves from all the foreigners and then stood and confessed their sins and the iniquities of their fathers” (Neh. 9:1-2).
Daniel took the same approach in his time. He did not go into blame or accusation; he simply recognized how the agreement of his generation and past generations had affected his nation. His response was personal humility and repentance, for the sins of his own life and those of his generations.
Confusion Over Generational Sin
Many Christians believe that when they received salvation, all the inherited battles in their life were broken. We say this, but it does not prove true in the whole view of Scripture or in real life application. I have watched Christians of just about every background repeat the same exact sin battles of their parents, often at the same time their parents did. Most would say it is because they learned these sins from their parents. That is a contributing factor, but not the main reason. I have even observed this in children that did not live with their parents. Adopted children will repeat the exact sin issues of the parents, without ever being raised by them. It is an inherited struggle that must be faced and torn down.
Let’s be honest. The battles of mom and dad that they could not or would not overcome are taking us on for size. The inherited iniquity will often manifest at a time in the person’s life when it can do the most damage, to the person and to those around them. Everyone could make their parents turn red, white and blue in the face because of the sin battles they struggled with. Why? Because you struggle with the same ones! No one was taught all these temptations by a human being, but by an invisible kingdom that worked in the generations. This is the work of iniquity.
A link of IMPORTANCE: Godlymarriage.com
The closes of FRIENDS are first God and than followed by ones SPOUSE. A friend is one who will share all things. In most marriages when a spouse drifts into adultery the vows they made have no meaning and neither does the slip of paper announcing them as married. But, than the name game goes on, ” its his or her fault” Yet, one fails to realize that they chose to go that route. In my experience I find that most spouses have skeletons in their mind, heart and soul by committing sexual affairs (ADULTARY)and guilt is destroying them. One is the lack of sleep, due that the movie keeps playing at all times. There are over 25 major consequences relating to this practice of affairs. And some of you reading this blog know what I mean. Many marriages are like the picture below. Once broken it can very seldom be repaired because TRUST is no longer be formed. Also, it takes a very special spouse to FOREGIVE some one who has broken that TRUST. There is a saying once a cheater ALWAYS a CHEATER. They are willing to lose every thing, but, mostly their respect to family, friends and themselves. They are unable to keep a commitment no matter how difficult things become. Finally, a friend is will so share their concerns to their best friend be it husband or wife. There is no secret to God and than to the other party who was involved with you. And all it takes is for them to some day become your enemy. Affairs that happen 40-50 years ago are now being made public, I pray you do not become a static for everyone to see.
HUSBANDS PLEASE YOUR SPOUSE, OTHER WISE YOU MAY FIND SOME ELSE WILL.
If you’re a non-scientist, you might have once asked yourself, propped against the bedhead after disappointingly quick intercourse, how long does sex “normally” last?
A scientist, though, would phrase the same question in an almost comically obscure way: What is the mean intravaginal ejaculation latency time?
I know there’s a lot more to sex than putting the penis into the vagina and ejaculating, but the rest is not always easy to define (kissing? Rubbing? Grinding?). To keep things simple and specific, we’ll just focus on the time to ejaculation.
Measuring an average time to ejaculation is not a straightforward matter. What about just asking people how long they take, you say? Well, there are two main problems with this. One is that people are likely to be biased upwards in their time estimates, because it’s socially desirable to say you go long into the night.
The other problem is that people don’t necessarily know how long they go for. Sex isn’t something people normally do while monitoring the bedside clock, and unassisted time estimation may be difficult during a transportative session of love-making.
What does the research say?
The best study we have estimating the average time to ejaculation in the general population involved 500 couples from around the world timing themselves having sex over a four-week period – using a stopwatch.
That is as practically awkward as it sounds: participants pressed “start” at penile penetration and “stop” at ejaculation. You may note this could affect the mood somewhat, and might perhaps not exactly reflect the natural flow of things. But – science is rarely perfect, and this is the best we’ve got.
So what did the researchers find? The most striking result is that there was a huge amount of variation. The average time for each couple (that is, averaged across all the times they had sex) ranged from 33 seconds to 44 minutes. That’s an 80-fold difference.
So it’s clear there’s no one “normal” amount of time to have sex. The average (median, technically) across all couples, though, was 5.4 minutes. This means that if you line up the 500 couples from shortest sex to longest sex, the middle couple goes for an average of 5.4 minutes each time they do it.
There were some interesting secondary results, too. For example, condom use didn’t seem to affect the time, and neither did men’s being circumcised or not, which challenges some conventional wisdom regarding penile sensitivity and its relationship to staying power in the sack.
It didn’t much matter which country the couples came from either – unless they came from Turkey, in which case their sex tended to be significantly shorter (3.7 minutes) than couples from other countries (Netherlands, Spain, the United Kingdom, and the United States). Another surprising finding was that the older the couple, the shorter the sex, contrary to the prevailing wisdom (probably peddled by older men).
Why do we have sex for so long?
As an evolutionary researcher, all this talk of how long sex lasts make me wonder: Why does it last any time at all? All sex really needs to achieve, it seems, is to put sperm into the vagina. Why all the thrusting and bumping? Instead of sliding the penis in and out many hundreds of times per sexual session, why not just put it in once, ejaculate, and then go have a lemonade and get on with the rest of the day?
Before you say, Because it’s fun to go in and out!, remember evolution doesn’t care about fun per se – it generally only “designs” things to be enjoyable if they helped our ancestors pass on their genes to future generations. For example, even though we like eating food, we don’t chew each mouthful of it for five minutes just to make the enjoyment last longer. That would be inefficient, and so we’ve evolved to find it gross.
Why we last so long is a pretty complicated question with no clear answer, but a clue may be in the way the penis is shaped. In 2003, researchers showed – using artificial vaginas, artificial penises, and artificial sperm (corn syrup) – that the ridge around the head of the penis actually scoops out pre-existing syrup from the vagina.
What this suggests is that men’s repeated thrusting might function to displace other men’s semen before ejaculating, ensuring their own swimmers have a better chance of reaching the egg first. Incidentally, this could explain why it becomes painful for a man to continue thrusting after ejaculating, since that would risk scooping out his own semen as well.
So what to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.
- I would like to hear from your experience to this. Email me At : firstname.lastname@example.org
The following is taken from Chrisma Magazine
False friends. The Bible has plenty to say about them—and you’ve probably had one or two yourself. Of course, you probably didn’t know they were false when you first befriended them or you wouldn’t have put yourself through the grief!
In my role as editor of Charisma magazine, I’ve met my fair share of false friends. They usually walk in my life with a big smile on their face, suggesting they can lift my load, open new doors or be a confidential sounding board. I’ve fallen for it once or twice, but after getting a third-degree friendship burn, I learned how to spot false friends from a mile away.
I’m not flowing in suspicion, mind you. I’m operating out of discerning of spirits and what I’ve learned from past experience. I also lean heavily on the Word of God, which, as I mentioned, has plenty to say about the topic. Here are at least five ways to discern false friends.
1. False friends bear rotten fruit. “Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruit. Do men gather grapes from thorns, or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit. But a corrupt tree bears evil fruit” (Matt. 7:15-17).
This verse mentions false prophets, but you can identify a false friend with a fruit inspection just the same. False friends make a lot of promises but don’t do the works to back up their words. False friends may tell you what you want to hear with words smooth as butter (Ps. 55:21) to get on your good side because they want something from you, but when you need them, they are nowhere to be found.
2. False friends betray your trust and stab you in the back. The Bible says faithful are the wounds of a friend (Prov. 27:6), but that’s in the context of a friend correcting an error in your life that you can’t see. Sort of like iron sharpening iron. That’s a lot different from someone who speaks cruel words behind your back or betrays your confidence.
3. False friends won’t respect your godly boundaries. False friends don’t have any respect for your boundaries or your morals. They don’t care if you’ve set your heart to study the Word every night or get up early in the morning to pray. They will tempt you to spend your time in ways that do not glorify God. Take Paul’s advice: “Do not be so deceived and misled! Evil companionships (communion, associations) corrupt and deprave good manners and morals and character” (1 Cor.15:33, AMP).
4. False friends won’t show you kindness when you’re in need. The Bible says not to withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do it (Prov. 3:27). Many times, when we’re going through a trial, we need kindness. Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit, and any friend operating in the fruit of the Spirit will show you kindness in a time of need. But false friends don’t have your best interest at heart, and they won’t offer genuine kindness. Job 6:14 puts it this way, “A despairing man should be shown kindness from his friend, or he forsakes the fear of the Almighty” (MEV).
5. False friends bring strife and division into your life. Proverbs 16:26-28 warns, “An ungodly man digs up evil, and in his lips there is as a burning fire. A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends.” False friends bring drama and bad blood into your relationships with them and with other people. If someone is nothing but drama or is working to separate you from good friends who love you, take caution.
Those are just a few characteristics of false friends. You may think of others. Thank God, He sends us good friends and those we should treasure. Proverbs 27:9 tells us, “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart, so does the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.” Proverbs 18:24 speaks of a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 17:17 reveals how a friend loves at all times.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 tells us: “Two are better than one, because there is a good reward for their labor together. For if they fall, then one will help up his companion.” And Hebrews 10:24-25 admonishes us: “And let us consider how to spur one another to love and to good works. Let us not forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but let us exhort one another, especially as you see the Day approaching.”
I don’t know about you, but those are the kinds of friends I want. Amen?
The following article is beyond belief. Read and digest and we wonder what is wrong with our society. Canada and the United States are just right for complete down fall.
Four Slippery Steps to Adultery
Progressive choices that lead to destruction At work and church, in our neighborhoods and during our daily activities we all encounter people of the opposite sex who are attractive. That’s not the problem. Our selfish choices after the attraction create the problem. Adultery has a progression and most people (even Christians) take these steps before they slide down the slippery slope. I know, because I chose this path when I left my husband for a coworker named Jake. I know the lies I told myself, the selfish decisions that broke my husband’s heart and the sins I committed. I also know the healing and restoration that took place when I confessed, broke off the affair, and found forgiveness from my husband and God. Although I have healed, there are scars that remain, even 25 years later, so I pray you will learn from my mistakes as you consider these progressive elements of adultery. 1. An Unguarded Mind This is the “What if…” stage where your thoughts begin to grow unchecked. You find yourself asking questions like, “I wonder if he thinks I’m attractive? “, or thinking, “I hope she sits near me during the meeting”. Perhaps you try to manipulate your schedule or activities to create more opportunities for contact. Nothing inappropriate has happened yet, but you think about the possibilities. If you allow this to continue, your emotions will grow, the fantasies will take root, and you’ll think about the other person in romantic or sexual situations. Solution: If an inappropriate thought pops into your head, do NOT allow it to linger. Quickly remove yourself from any tempting situations. Follow the advice in Proverbs 7: 25 “Don’t let your desires get out of hand: don’t let yourself think about her”. Look up Philippians 4:8 and learn how God want us to think. 2. An Unguarded Heart This is the stage where your emotions run wild and you begin to lie to yourself. (In my case, I told myself I deserve to be happy.) You may start to build emotional bonds with the other person by creating excuses to spend time together. You may try to increase the positive contact and do things to please him or her. Example: If he mentions that he likes red, you may be tempted to wear a red dress or if she talks about a favorite flower, you may want to bring her one. Solution: Ask the Lord to help you get control of your emotions and to give you a clean heart which seeks after Him. Be deliberate in your walk with God. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” (James 4: 8) Consider the negative consequences if this flirtation continues: your spouse’s pain, loss of respect from children, friends, and relatives, and financial losses. You may need to confess your temptation to your spouse or a trusted friend who will hold you accountable because dark secrets have less power when you bring them into the light. 3. An Unguarded Mouth This step includes verbal flirtations and taking the relationship beyond theory into reality. Perhaps you begin by offering or responding to personal compliments such as, “You are the perfect match for me”, or “When I’m with you, the rest of my life fades away”. Knowing that compliments are like magnets, you begin to form an attraction and create a verbal intimacy that includes whispers, code words, pet names, and intimate secrets. This can also include flirtatious or sensual/sexual email conversations and instant messages The next verbal step is to talk about the “What if…”. For example, “If I weren’t married, you’d be my soul mate” , or “I wish I’d met you before I got married”. Jake and I used to play this fantasy game, “If we could run away together, where would we go?” Then the negative words about your current mate begin: “My husband treats me like a maid and never compliments me.” “My wife just treats me like a paycheck and I’m not attracted to her anymore.” “My wife/husband and I are just roommates and if it weren’t for the kids, I’d have left years ago.” Solution: Focus on the good things in your marriage and try to compliment your mate at least once a day. Be aware that any emails or IMs you send are not really private. If you would be ashamed to have your pastor or mother read it, don’t type it. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Eph 4:29) Concentrate on building up your marriage with your words instead. 4. An Unguarded Body This is the step where emotional adultery becomes physical. Some people think that only intercourse defines adultery, but I strongly disagree. If you have intimate, sensual contact with someone other than your spouse, it is a breach of your marriage vows. Ask yourself, “If my actions were photographed, would they condemn me?” I know how exciting the forbidden kiss is and how electrifying the stolen, passionate caress is but I also know how costly they are because I almost lost everything including my marriage. I walked away from my relationship with Christ as I chose to follow my selfish heart into sin. But I, like the prodigal son, came to my senses as I ran back to the Lord and He welcomed me home. Then I begged my husband’s forgiveness, broke off all contact with Jake, and rebuilt my marriage. Ron and I now help couples see that no marriage is beyond God’s ability to heal. Solution: If you’ve already crossed the line, stop all contact with the other person, confess your sin, ask for God’s forgiveness, and follow the instruction in Romans 12:1 to “Present your bodies as a living sacrifice to God”. Then read and comply with 2 Corinthians 7:1 which says, “Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God”. Bring it God
Oh Lord, purify my mind, my heart, my mouth, and my body, I want to be a clean vessel, always ready for Your use and available to serve Your purposes. Deliver me from evil as I flee temptation and run to the shelter of Your outstretched arms. I want to be holy and set apart for You Lord. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit and empower me, by Your Spirit, to stand strong and bring honor to You and my family. Through the power of Jesus’ name, I ask
Most marriages fail due to problems which are not resolved. When feelings of deep hurt, sadness, anger, bitterness, lack of respect, communication, self absorbance and a false hope of despair and happiness fail than searching other means come into play. Thus, hoping one finds it in others and it can become a no ending search. If we look inward one will find one self to be the problem area. There are many reasons for infidelity, such as revenge, boredom, the thrill of sexual novelty, sexual addiction. But experts say that a large majority of the time, motivations differ by gender, with men searching for more sex or attention, and women looking to fill an emotional void…. Women tend to have an emotional connection with their lover and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness. This is a must teaching about what marriage is all about. It’s a destructive disease which will lead you to hell if not corrected now. This part one, enjoy http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Mg4nq82KiGk This part two, enjoy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqV8DTQ19nU&feature=player_detailpage The following two articles below were shared from a Christian Chrisma Magazine.
10 Things Wives Want to Hear from their Husbands
1. “Thanks for all you do for our family.”
Yes, you work hard. You might even feel that your load is a million times heavier than your wife’s. But your wife works hard, too…and a little thanks goes a long way.
2. “You are a great mom and wife.” If you really want to make her day, go beyond saying “thank you” and praise her for doing a good job. 3. “Let me do that for you.” Your wife realizes you are exhausted when you get home from work. She probably is too. So offer to help out. Start with something small like cleaning up after dinner. Or, if you really want to score points, do the laundry or something else you normally don’t do. 4. “I love you so much.” Did you notice the extra words, after the “I love you?” Telling your wife you love her is a great start, but telling her why you love her, how much you love her, or that you’ll love her forever, will melt her heart. 5. “You are beautiful.” No matter her age, her size or how long you’ve been married, a woman loves to hear that you think she’s attractive. And, don’t just say, “You look nice.” Instead, use adjectives like, great, lovely, fantastic. 6. “Let me watch the kids.” If you already watch your children regularly, good job! If you don’t, think of it this way. When you offer to take care of the children, your wife gets to recharge her batteries. A wife with a recharged battery is usually more patient, kind and loving. 7. “Let’s go out tonight.” Take charge of your next date night. This shows your wife that you enjoy spending time with her. 8. “I’m sorry you had a hard/frustrating/disappointing day.” These words let your wife know that you are aware of what’s going on in her life. 9. “I would marry you all over again.” In one sentence you’re telling your wife you value your life together and that you’re committed to her. 10. “How can I be a better husband to you?” Hearing these words will either make your wife burst into tears, smile like a kid in a candy store, or, if she’s completely shocked, laugh uncontrollably. Before you ask this question, though, be ready to hear what she has to say without being defensive
10 Things Husbands Want to Hear from their Wives
Mark Twain once commented, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” I agree. There is nothing like specific and detailed praise and validation to energize a marriage. After some research here at Family First, we found the 10 things husbands want to hear most from their wives. And if we missed one, please post your idea in the comments section below. 1. “I love being your wife.” As simple as it sounds, husbands want to know that their wives are content in their marriage, and truly enjoy just being with them. When is the last time you thanked your husband for marrying you? Don’t just assume he knows. Tell him! 2. “You’re an outstanding father.” Deep in the heart of every man is the desire to be seen as a hero—especially to his children. Specifically tell your husband why he is your kids’ hero. And, tonight at dinner, tell your children why he is so special. 3. “I’m really attracted to you. You are the man!” It’s a myth that women are always more looks-conscious than men. As guys’ hairlines begin to recede and stomachs start protruding, they can become quite sensitive about their appearance. Never joke about how your husband looks. Tell him he’s “hot” and how attracted you are to him. 4. “I really respect the decision you made.” When a man makes a decision, especially a tough one, he doesn’t want his wife being critical of it or questioning him about it. He wants to know that his wife is behind him and admires his ability to make good decisions. 5. “I know how important it is to live within our means. I’m with you on this.” Your husband is concerned about the future of your family. So that means he is concerned about taking care of his family financially. Having a wife he can rely on to spend and save wisely is a tremendous comfort to him. 6. “I’m so grateful for your spiritual leadership.” All of us are hardwired for a relationship with God, and many men want to be seen as the spiritual caretakers of their families. Encourage your husband in his faith and for taking his role as a spiritual leader seriously. 7. “You are so wise.” Many men are born problem solvers and relish the process of thinking through something and arriving at a solution. This, incidentally, is why your husband is always trying to “fix” your problems when all you want him to do is listen. Recognizing your husband’s mental prowess and complimenting him on his intelligence will pay massive dividends to you. Emphasize to him that you trust his wise judgment. 8. “I appreciate how hard you work to provide for our family.” There are many things in life that your husband cannot control, but one he can control is effort. It brings him great pleasure to work hard and see the results. To directly control, and be the man responsible for creating something from nothing thrills him. Encourage his great work ethic. 9. “Thank you very much for helping me with that.” When a man serves his wife, he wants her to recognize it. A simple “thank you” is all he needs. 10. “I’m impressed with how you handled that situation.” Sometimes a wife will point out when her husband does not handle something well. So when he handles a particularly difficult situation well, let him know.
The average couple spend fewer than four minutes daily talking to each other. No wonder they grow apart with separation. When conflicts arises they do not know how to deal with them. Every couple should have a marriage meeting for half to one hour weekly to discuss issues. Wives, you all want to be courted like when you first dated. Wives, we men have a very short memory and you have to take the role to train us again. Most women and men talk with their co-workers 6-8 hours a day for 5 days a week. . No wonder marriages fall apart. I have seen this time and time again. It’s up at 6am, home at 5pm, rushing to events that have no meaning in developing a married relationship. Husbands how often do you tell your wife, ” your are beautiful. your smile is a gift from God. You have a fantastic body. Thanks for marrying me, You make my day. Your eyes sparkle like the stars and your breasts are like the Rocky Mountains and I could ski on them all day. Etc. etc………..” Now husbands have a good day in this and your rewards at night will be delightful. Do it for a week or two and see the results. Affairs of cheating are FUN, until you get caught. Than all hell breaks loose. In the Bible God mentions that ONE GREAT sin is Adultery. So I take the liberty to point out to you some interesting commentaries that are very serious. Change your attitude before its to late. The promises taken at marriage ceremonies have very little value unless both parties are committed to rough it out at all costs. Evil deeds that God does not forgive Hebrews 10:26 We like to study each verse of the Bible separately. But sometimes that method is not right. Each verse belongs in a longer passage. And sometimes we must understand the whole passage before we can understand the separate verses. Hebrews 10:26 has caused difficulties for many people. The problem is that every Christian sometimes does wrong things on purpose. And that situation is what the verse seems to describe. That is why we need to look at the whole passage. Clearly, the author does not think that all Christians have lost their relationship with God. We will find our explanation in Hebrews 10:29. There the author will explain what these people have done. But in Hebrews 10:26 the author just explains their attitude. On purpose they decided to do something that they knew to be very wrong. They have acted as if the most holy things are completely without value. And they intended to do that. People’s attitudes matter very much to God. And that is especially true when they do wrong things. God allowed people to offer animals as sacrifices (gifts to God) when they did not do those wrong things on purpose (Numbers 15:22-29). But God did not accept sacrifices when a person decided on purpose to oppose God. If someone hated God so much, they could only expect punishment (Numbers 15:30-31). Like everybody else, Christians do evil things. Their behaviour becomes even worse when they do those things on purpose. They ought to know what God’s law says about those things. So they should be humble, and they should confess their evil deeds to God. And when they do that, God promises to forgive (1 John 1:8-10). When God shows no mercy Hebrews 10:27-28 Sometimes a person decides, on purpose, to oppose God in a very extreme manner. Perhaps that person attacks God’s people or destroys God’s house. Or perhaps that person deals with a holy thing in a manner that shows complete disgust. Such a person can only expect God’s anger and a terrible punishment. Sometimes the judge is another person (for example, Leviticus 24:23). Sometimes God himself acts as the judge (Numbers chapter 16). In the end, of course, God is the judge of everyone (Genesis 18:25). People who act as judges sometimes make mistakes. But God never does anything wrong. All his judgements are right and proper. God’s law told judges not to issue judgements unless there were two or three witnesses. And they could not trust only one witness, because sometimes witnesses speak lies (Deuteronomy 19:15). But God needs no witnesses when he is the judge. He already knows the truth about everyone and everything. God’s law ordered the judges not to show mercy (for example, Deuteronomy 19:21). ‘Mercy’ means special kindness to a guilty person. Israel’s judges had a duty to be strict. The law (and not the judge’s emotions) must guide the judge’s decision. David once said that he wanted God to be his judge (2 Samuel 24:14). David’s reason was that God’s mercy is great. He can forgive even very wicked people who change their attitudes (Ezekiel 18:23). Three men who received God’s mercy were Manasseh, Nebuchadnezzar, and Saul (afterwards called Paul). They all had done terrible things against God’s people, God’s house, or both (See 2 Chronicles 33:1-9; 2 Chronicles 36:17-19 and Acts 22:4). But afterwards, they changed their attitudes. They became humble in front of God. And each of them decided to serve God (2 Chronicles 33:12-13; Daniel 4:28-37; Acts 22:6-16). These men had made themselves enemies of God. They deserved only his anger and his judgement. But instead they received his mercy. But we must not imagine that everyone will receive God’s mercy. If people do not change their evil attitudes, God will never forgive them. If human judges do not punish God’s enemies, then God will certainly issue his judgement against them. And then there will be no mercy. The worst sins Hebrews 10:29 An evil deed is especially terrible if a person carries it out against the holy things of God. ( a marriage agreement) It is even worse if a person does it on purpose (Hebrews 10:26). God’s punishment against that person will be severe (Hebrews 10:27-28). The author of Hebrews refers to three crimes that existed under the old covenant (God’s relationship with Israel). And then he shows how each crime can happen now. In fact, it is even worse if people do these things now. Formerly, people carried out such acts against the temple (God’s house in Jerusalem). But that was a copy, and now we have the reality (Hebrews 9:23; Hebrews 10:1). So these crimes are even more terrible now. They are crimes against the most holy things that exist.
- To trample on the Son of God. To ‘trample’ means to walk in a heavy manner, as if you intend to destroy something under your feet. Under the old covenant, it was a crime to trample in a holy place. In fact, it was a serious crime even to enter God’s temple unless you were a priest. So to trample there was an especially careless and nasty thing to do. A person would only do it on purpose if he hated God. That person would do it because he wanted to offend God. And the only proper punishment was death.
The temple was a copy, but God’s Son is the reality (John 2:21). It is a terrible thing to act in a careless or nasty manner towards God’s Son. It is a terrible thing to hate Christ, who died for you. It is a terrible thing to act as if he is completely without value. Peter wrote about people who were doing such a thing (2 Peter 2:1-3). They pretended to be Christian teachers. But really, they did not care about Christ. They were using Christ as a means to teach their own ideas, which were false and dangerous. They were jealous men who used the Christians to make profits for themselves. Jude also wrote about them (Jude 8-13).
- To behave as if the blood of the covenant is an unclean substance. The covenant means the agreement that establishes the relationship between God and his people.
The animals that people gave to God were holy. God gave careful instructions about what should happen to those animals (Leviticus chapters 1 to 7). When priests did not obey those rules on purpose, their behaviour was very evil (1 Samuel 2:12-17). The blood of the sacrifices (the animals that people gave to God) was especially important. It is because of the blood that God can forgive people (Leviticus 17:11). It is the blood that establishes the covenant (Hebrews 9:18). It is by the blood that God makes both people and objects holy (Hebrews 9:19-22). But, of course, the blood of animals did not really free people from their sins (evil deeds). The reality is what Christ did by his death. Only the death of Christ can really free people from their sins. Only the death of Christ can really make people holy. It is his death that established the new covenant between God and his people (Hebrews 9:14-16). And that is what the author means here by ‘the blood of the covenant’. People ought to consider the blood of Christ precious. Peter wrote that it is much more precious than silver or gold (1 Peter 1:18-19). But it is terrible not to be grateful to God for what Christ has done for you. And it is even worse to behave as if Christ’s death disgusts you.
- Blasphemy against God’s Holy Spirit. Christ said that God never forgives this sin (Mark 3:29). ‘Blasphemy’ means evil words, but the person’s attitude matters very much too. We can see that from Hebrews 10:26. This is the attitude of someone who hates God with a complete hate. And that is not just an emotion that will change. It is a decision that the person has made on purpose. That person never wants God to forgive him; and God will never forgive him.
Really, the three crimes in Hebrews 10:29 are all the same sin. The author has mentioned this sin before, in Hebrews 6:4-6. This time he describes it in three different ways in order to emphasise how terrible it is. God is the judge of Christian leaders, too Hebrews 10:30 The author reminds his readers about Israel’s history with words from Deuteronomy 32:35-36. And he says that the same things are true about Christians today. We have been studying about people who carry out evil acts against God’s holy things. In ancient Israel, it was not foreigners who carried out the worst acts against God’s holy things. It was certain leaders in Israel (see Leviticus 10:1; Numbers 16:1-3; Numbers 25:6-14). It was Israel’s own leaders who set up false gods in Israel (1 Kings 11:6-7; 1 Kings 12:26-33). And it was Israel’s own leaders who persuaded Israel’s people not to be loyal to God (for example, 2 Kings 21:9-12). It was against those leaders that God originally spoke these words. He had a right to vengeance (that is, a right to punish his enemies). So they would certainly not avoid their punishment. God is the judge who will rescue his people. And all his judgements are right and proper. The first Christians had many enemies. Those enemies attacked them, and sometimes they killed them. But the Christians remained loyal to God. However, the first Christians suffered even more because of a different kind of trouble. This trouble came from people who belonged to their churches. In fact, they were leaders in the churches. But they were not sincere. They were using their authority in the church to benefit themselves. They were teaching things that the Bible does not teach. Like those ancient leaders in Israel, they did not really care about people’s relationships with God. They cared much more about their own authority, wealth or desires. And they knew that they were doing these wrong things. The authors of the New Testament (the first Christian books) realised how serious this situation was. And they often warned about it (Acts 20:30; Galatians 5:7-10; 1 Timothy 6:3-5; 2 Peter 2:1-3; 1 John 2:18-19; Jude 8-16; Revelation 2:20). Through history, there have been many Christian leaders who have urged Christians not to be loyal to God. Or, they have acted in a manner that can spoil people’s relationship with God. Jesus warned that this is a very terrible thing to do (Mark 9:42). Such behaviour is a sin (evil action) against the holy things of God. God considers that his people are holy. And they are much more holy than any sacred building or object that exists today. God has made his people holy by the blood (death) of his own Son, Jesus Christ How people may offend against God’s most holy things Hebrews 10:31 The author of Hebrews has just warned how terrible it is to sin (do wrong things) against God’s most holy things. But Christian leaders must warn about many things. So the author adds a sentence to emphasise how important this subject is. God himself will punish the person who sins on purpose against his holy things. It is the most terrible evil deed that any person could ever carry out. And God, who is the living God, will certainly act against that person. It is right to feel fear if we choose on purpose to offend God. For example:
- A Christian leader who decides not to teach the truth about the Bible ought to be afraid. He has offended both against God’s holy Word and against God’s holy people.
- Someone who uses his connection with a church in order to satisfy evil desires ought to be afraid too. God’s church is holy and the people in it are holy, too. In other words, they belong to God. The person who offends against even one of them, offends God (Mark 9:42).
- Sometimes people see something that God has done by his Holy Spirit. They know that it is God’s work. But they pretend, on purpose, that it is not God’s work. Such people ought to be afraid. You can read what Jesus warned about such behaviour in Mark 3:22-29. Everything that God does is holy. And if a person laughs at it, that person insults God.
- Someone may want to have more authority in the church. So he acts as if Christ is not really important in the church today. That person speaks about the great things that he himself has done, instead of the greatness of Christ. Such a person insults God’s Son. And God’s Son is very holy. God is angry with such behaviour.
- And some church leaders are afraid of what other people may say. So they decide not to speak about Christ’s death. Instead, those leaders ought to be afraid of God. Christ’s death is very holy and it makes people holy. There is no other way that God will save people. Christians ought to declare it at every opportunity (2 Timothy 4:2). They must never neglect the message of the cross (1 Corinthians 1:18).
God has many ways to warn those who do such things. But some people still decide, on purpose, that they want to do these things. They will certainly not avoid God’s punishment. How to be strong during troubles Hebrews 10:32-33 In his famous parable of the sower (a story about a man who sowed seeds), Jesus discussed the different reactions of people to God’s message (Mark 4:1-20). If seed falls on a path, birds eat it immediately. That seed cannot even start to grow or to produce a harvest. That is like people who do not accept God’s message. Seed that falls on good ground grows well. And it produces a harvest. That is like the people who accept God’s message. They develop and grow (become mature) in their Christian lives. And they produce the results that God wants from their lives. But it is the other groups of seed that interest us here. They start well. But still they do not produce a harvest. It is possible to begin a Christian life well, but never to produce the results that God wants. And that fact caused the author of Hebrews to worry about his original readers. When they became Christians, they were so patient in their many troubles. But they lack that quality now (Hebrews 10:36). They trusted God about the future then (Hebrews 10:34). But now they were not behaving like people who trust God (Hebrews 6:12). They gladly received God’s message then. But now they did not want to hear God’s message (Hebrews 5:11-12). This passage reminds us how many troubles the first Christians had. It was not easy to be a Christian then. Christians had many cruel enemies. But we also see how much the first Christians loved each other. And so the author urges them. You did not do all that in vain, he seems to say. Return to the relationship with God that you once had. Do not neglect your hope and trust in God. Be patient in your troubles, and he will reward you. A spouse recently stated that her marriage started to fall apart when they stopped attending church. She said that we no longer needed God to be in our lives and that an hour to two was to much time to waste on a Sunday when other things seemed more important. It was when after two years we decided to attend church and our marriage has turned for the better. I told her that is where it all starts, God has to be in the mix. But, it is not the same for all marriages. Attitude plays a big part. Here is a Biblical Verse and I want to paraphrase it : How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Recorded in the gospel of Matthew; How can a spouse say to ones spouse, Let me help you get rid of that speck(SIN) in your eye, (life). When I cannot see past the log (MAJOR SINS) in my own eye, (life). Hypocrite! First get rid of the Log ( MAJOR SINS) in my own eye, (life). then I will see well enough to deal with the speck (sin) that is in my spouses eye, (life). Recently! a wife with a 3 month old girl left her husband of 4 years to move in with her parents. She told her mother how hard it was to live with Bill. Her mother said,” I see good qualities in Bill”. Her mother took two sheets of lined paper, drew a line in the middle from top too bottom and told her daughter to list all the no goods of Bill. Her daughter listed all she could think of and was running out of room, after she listed EVERYTHING, she thought her mother would now ask her to list all the goodness of Bill on the other side. To her surprise her mother told her to write down after each negatives about Bill how she reacted to each one. She (Sally) was shocked about this new approach. It did not make any logical sense to her. So she did as her mother requested. Her mother told her to go back home to Bill and start working on her side of the sheet. She (Sally) soon discovered that it was not Bill who had the problem, it was her. After three months. she discovered that it was she who was unstable and not committed to be married. And it was only she who could make this work. She noticed that she was filled full of pride, ( I, myself and me) very selfish and arrogant. Now after nearly a year, she claims she has a marriage made in Heaven. NOW! some of you husbands reading this may say, you see, “IT HER FAULT”. That is not true, in most case you are also part of the problem, so read the next chapter. A couple went to shop at WalMart. The wife says to her husband that since winter is fast approaching and apparently its going to be a cold winter she needed heavier boots as she was diabetic. Her husband says to her. ” Honey we are kind of tight with our finances, could we wait for two weeks as I get my pay and a bonus” and it was left at that. A week later she hears noise out side and sees that someone is parking a big boat in the drive way. She goes out and finds that it is her husband, and she inquiries what is this. He mentions to her that since they go to the beach weekly in the summer and this was a GREAT deal, he bought it. The next day he came to an EMPTY HOUSE with a note on the table. You were unable to buy me winter boots, so now you can enjoy your boat and the beach, I see that I am not important in your life. Now some of you husbands, future husbands, if your friends and your outside activities are more import than your helpmate ( wife) you are in for a future shock. Most men will fill in the gap that you fail to fill. What do we as HUSBANDS need to do ! its quite simple….. ASK HER>>>>>>>>> HAPPY ASKING< you will learn plenty……. Love: “goes for connection” on four levels; verbal, emotional, physical and spiritual. But, GOOD sex has four equal important elements XXXXX and only one of them is physical. Most husbands do not know that their wife always wants to be dated. So, here are a few clues. Husbands———1:-Redo your marriage vows and take another honeymoon not a cheap one go all out. . 2: Do something different for each month. 3: Flirt with her. 4: On work days, surprise her by coming home with flowers. 5: Do not forget her special days. 6: Leave love note around. The best is on the bathroom mirror. 7: Tell her you are sorry, even if she is wrong. 8: Brag about her in front of other people and hug her in their presence. 9: Pray with her and for her. 10: Continually thank her for what ever she does or has done. 11: REWARD: THE BEST SEX YOU WILL EVER HAVE. Its worth it, GUYS———- There are over 100 things husband can do… Husbands start THINKING< THINKING>>> Recently, a comment was offered. What really can ruin a working marriage is a bad sex-life. A wife whose husband continually complained about everything, even in mixed company never missed a chance to do so. One day she had enough and among a group of friends she tore into him. She say’s,! why do you not complain about having committed adultery with four of my girl friends and got one pregnant and had her dispose of the baby and you paid for it. Why do you not complain that you destroyed the lives four families. why do you not complain that you could have lost your family, your house, your job, your friends and relatives and given me a disease Oh! by the way all you said to me was you are so sorry, but you never asked me to forgive you. Being sorry and forgiveness are two different things. Yes! I forgave you and you did not even say thank you. You’re the most SELFISH person as you always complain about everything. But you never complain about the damage you have done to so many people. All present agreed with her. There are so many stories like these and mostly are “SECRETS hidden in the closet until found out. Check this out by Linda. Cost of infidelity. http://www.cnbc.com/id/101827774 By Linda Federico-O’Murchu, special to CNBC.com Spouses say that adultery is worse than going through a divorce, a family death, a war or a holocaust. It effects, spouse, children, family, friends, coworkers, church members and community. It greatly effects the spouse who used their free will to enter into this deadly fleshly, selfish and prideful deed. But, MOST of all it effects ones own soul and leads one and the other person to the fire and into the gates of HELL. REPENTACE to God and confession to ones own spouse asking for forgiveness. This last one confessing to ones spouse is sometime dangerous. If not confessed when the opportune time comes will destroy ones health, mind and eventually family relationships. It’s called the secret sin, but, its not a secret to God who sees and knows all things In a recent survey the question was asked! When you met your present spouse, what would you have done differently. The response from the baby boomers was in the mid-60 percent . We would have agreed to live in a common relationship first. HUSBANDS OF WIVES AND GUYS WITH GIRLFRIENDS !!!!! this is for YOU> If you belong to a religious denomination that has a sacrament called confession, I would STRONGLY recommend you get and read this book. Its available via Amazon for about 8-10 dollars. It may be the best investment you can make. Its called the confessional, the priest and women. Below is a review of it. Former Catholic priest reveals a tragic danger of the confessional. What happens when women are commanded, under penalty of eternal damnation, to confess to a man their deepest sexual thoughts and sins? Former priest, Charles Chiniquy, continually dealt with this problem. He personally heard the confessions of over 200 priests. All but 21 admitted falling prey to Satan’s devices in this area. You will see how sexual exploitation has dogged the Roman Catholic priesthood for over 1,500 years, and is carried over into the exploitation of even young boys! Celibate priests are a disaster for the Catholic Church! This book reverently and tastefully exposes why confession of sins to a man cannot be of God. You’ll see how this practice destroys both the priest and the person doing the confessing. In a recent presentation to group of marrieds, I asked the following question to the spouses present. Too the husbands first, do you love you wife. all responded, YES! I than asked the wives if they loved their husbands. All responded, Yes! I than asked, if you spouse committed ADULTRY and you found out about it or they told you, would you still love them? I never got a reply. It just shows that adultery kills love, trust and respect. The consequences to adultery and there are almost 40 killers to it, but, lust of the flesh of another is more important than love for ones spouse. When one commits adultery they pass their love for their spouse onto someone else and they become one flesh with them. God said ” and they shall become one flesh” One becomes one in the flesh by having a sexual encounter. One also has all the junk from the other person transferred into them selves and in the process they pass it on to their spouse and children. One woman made a very interesting comment. Why would I allow another man to put his junk into my holding tank and I get all sorts of consequences to deal with it later. I am the one holding the bag while he gets to go FREE! FREE! By our FREE WILL we chose our destiny. Marriage is a binding covenant (contract) between a man, a woman and God. Each vows to the other to be faithful, honest, and support each other no matter what happens in their married relationship. In one article that I read some time ago, and it goes something this. A spouse may find only one good thing in their marriage, but is willing to over look the other 99 hoping that things will change over a period of time, but, they never give up on the other. They will still support the other partner by sharing their concerns and strive to see improvements on a daily basis. In todays marriage a spouse may find 99 good things in their partner, but, the other 1 thing they need is lacking and they start looking else where to fill that need. They never realize that this one thing will destroy their marriage, their children, their self respect, their future, lose their home and security and can become pregnant OR become a father to another child and worse still get an un-curable disease. And most of all lose TRUST. In Gods eyes it called adultery and eternal death in hell fire. That is His judgement not mine. Read the scriptures and see what the result is. A very high price to pay for this venture. It all boils down to this: a man will give love for sex and that is all he is interested in, while a woman will give sex for love failing to see that she is being used for sexual satisfaction only, and once she is mastered she than becomes a sex tool. In my research and comments made by married women they are often than blackmailed into a continued relationship. There is a saying! ONCE A CHEATER ALWAY A CHEATER”. So why do married spouses cheat? its CALLED SELFISHNESS, SELFISHNESS. My grandfather told me when I was 9-10 years of age, I was very close to him, I could not understand his wisdom until I became a young 18 year old. His words were! FOR 5 MINUTES OF PLEASURE YOU WILL HAVE A LIFE TIME OF HEAD ACHS. Research shows it only takes a man with passion only 3-4 minutes to do his stuff and its then all over, leaving the woman on high ground again with no pleasure. We came across a very interesting website and we encourage everyone visiting us go to it. This was posted on Face Book and has had a slough of readers. Many comments were posted and it is interesting to see the results of what spouse has to say. Those who worked at saving their marriages and those who gave up. If your marriage is in difficulties we recommend you go to it ASAP. Here is the website and leave a comment on our comment section. http://www.strongmarriagenow.com/survive-affair-infidelity-in-marriage/#7-Steps-To-Survive-An-Affair ANY spouse who forgives his/her partner about a severe problem in their marriage the guilty spouse should be the most GRATEFUL person on this planet for the out come in this forgiveness. Jesus said the greater the forgiveness the greater the love is retuned in that forgiveness. Do you show greater love after being forgiven. God forgives sin in marriage, but, if the offended spouse forgives their is great pain in their memory and it remains forever. Many spouses have commented that it only take several words to reignite the memory pain. It all comes back to TRUST and one has to earn it. We pray you are able to resolve your marriage problems. Divorces are expounding in great numbers. Its even an epidemic among Christian couples. In some churches they are easily obtained. We will list two church groups in their dealing with it. The problem with the process in the Roman Catholic church is that it takes what ought to be a pastoral matter and turns it into a legal one. It is complicated, often unfair, and frequently unintelligible to the participants. Some tribunals are easy. Some are hard. It can be very capricious. It is painful and pointless. They have to find witnesses, get records, take statements, dig up old contacts, and open old wounds. All of our language is legal, not pastoral. We speak of petitions, tribunals, witnesses, advocates, petitioners, defendants and evidence. It is Kafkaesque. It turns pastors into bureaucrats, to no purpose. The Roman Catholic annulment process needs a total overhaul. They should look to the Orthodox churches for a better way to handle it. In the Eastern churches, the first annulment is handled entirely by the parish priest. After all, he is the person on the scene. He knows the people involved and can judge their sincerity and seriousness. He can talk to them about marriage and see if they are sincere in their desire for reconciliation with the church. No tribunal downtown at the chancery office can do that. Basically, in the Orthodox churches, couples get a second chance. Their first marriage can be annulled by the parish priest in a simple conversation and confession. But third or fourth marriages would need the permission of the bishop in most Orthodox churches, as I understand it. However, this is a pastoral process, not a legal one. An article which went via role shared at the end of this introduction. The institution of marriage has for some time been in a major crisis. The promises and vows are in most cases meaningless. A friend recently shared that her marriage completely fell apart. Those words and a piece of paper had no meaning for her husband. As in this case he wanted freedom to explore his new manhood. Both wives and husbands say that their needs are not being met and they are seeking new adventures. The sexual revolution of the late 1960’s open a whole new avenue towards marriage. In later years contracts were written between the two marriage parties. Some had 3-5 year agreements where either partner could dissolve the relationship for any reason. We will list a number of statistics for your digestion. http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/ The divorce rate in Canada is hovering around 40%,it skyrockets to over 60% for a 2nd time marriage, and over 70% for a 3rd time marriage. There are at present more divorces in so called Christian marriages than in the secular population. What is also startling is marriages are falling apart with pastors. And its on the increase. Live in so called ( common law) is escalating in masses. As outlined in several researches papers, there is no need for a lasting commitment. So called swapping is the new trend. It takes place in home dwellings, store front establishments with entertainment, food, drinks and what ever else needed to entice the sharing of marriage partners in private rooms decorated to its fullness and it is growing MARRIAGE ISN’T FOR EVERYONE I would encourage you to read the article below. Recently I was on facebook when I viewed an article my daughter had posted on her timeline. I read it, and the thoughts, opinions, and viewpoints of this talented writer resonated within me. He talked about what marriage is, and what we can expect out of it. I strongly urge you to read his words. I am sure you too will be inspired to be a better husband or wife. His name is Seth Adam Smith, and he writes on the blog Seth Adam Smith on a LITERAL odyssey. “Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me. Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading. I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. 🙂 I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all. Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?” Please click the following link to continue reading this fascinating post. http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/ A top rated web-site in my opinion is “Changed women outreach for these perilous times” Below is an article of one of the many reasons marriages are falling apart. http://www.changedwomanoutreach.com/teachings.html According to scripture a man or a women committing adultery become joined as husband or wife with that person. Case in point if you are presently married and have a sexual encounter with that man or women he/she then become your second spouse. And if one has shall we say 3 encounters than 3 people they become your husband or wife. In the case of a woman she is not only committing adultery, she has also become an adulteress, prostitute but also has created a soul-tie with the other man or men. They also bring unto themselves all the trash the other person has with in them. This is called the TRANSFERING of spirit. The same ceremonial take place with the man or men.