Christian one liners, funny and true!

A person gets a prescription and reads about  all the side effects. So, much warnings to ones health, including death. Yet, the bible informs us if we if we sin and do not repent we inter the lake of fire death eternal.

If you are not GUILTY< speak, but if GUILTY , keep your mouth shut as it might come to hunt you.

You and I are the reason for the season.

sin and disease are held by bookends in our lives.

If I called you and you came for nothing! how far would you go for 10 dollars.

Can I have your number? number of what!

The weather has finally got to me, so has my husband.

My wife says I am a dog, as I always bark.(complain)

Sin wouldn’t be so attractive if the wages were paid immediately

If you have more enemies than friends, check yourself out.

        Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

  Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited  Until you try to sit in their pews. Many folks want to serve God,  But only as advisers.   It is easier to preach ten sermons, than it is to live one.    The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose,  But mosquitoes come close.    When you get to your wit’s end,  You’ll find God lives there.    People are funny; they want the front of the bus,  Middle of the road,  And back of the church.    Opportunity may knock once,  But temptation bangs on the front door forever.    Quit griping about your church;  If it were perfect, you couldn’t belong.    If a church wants a better pastor,  It only needs to pray for the one it has.    We’re called to be witnesses; not lawyers or Judges.    God Himself doesn’t propose to judge a man until he is dead.  So why should you?    Some minds are like concrete Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.    Peace starts with a smile. Be ye fishers of men. You catch ’em – He’ll clean ’em.    Stop, Drop, and Roll won’t work in Hell.  Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.  Don’t put a question mark where God put a period. Don’t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church. Forbidden fruits create many jams. God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called. God grades on the cross, not the curve. God loves everyone, but probably prefers ‘fruits of the spirit’ over ‘religious nuts!’ God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.    He who angers you, controls you! If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!    Prayer: Don’t give God instructions, just report for duty!   The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.    The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.    We don’t change the message; the message changes us. You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him/her.    The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:  1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.   If this blessed you in a profound way today,  Share it with a few friends to bless them!  I bet someone else will LOVE it too.

There is no greater treasure than a good friend!

If you stop praying, you start sinning.

A day above ground is a good day. (still alive)

God wants to work through you to show others how they can have real love, joy, peace, passion & purpose in Him

In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for placing bets on when  patients would die.

A Virginia law requires all bathtubs to be kept inside the house.

Certain frogs can be frozen solid then thawed and continue living.

Dartboards are made out of horse hair.

The average human will shed 40 lbs of skin in a life time.

Affairs of cheating are fun until you get caught.

This place is a mess! so get your things off the floorand don’t scratch your crotch in public.

Elvis Presley’s manager of the Grand Ole Opry fired Elvis after just one performance telling him, “you ain’t  going no where son, you ought to go back to driving a truck”

The heart, despite its tiny size, contains the entire world.

Its not what’s in the pants that counts, Its what’s in the brain.

Increase of sin is not a condition. Increase of sin is a choice.

The devil does not mind if you go to church, read your bible, he only  frets when you put it into practice.

If you came here for free! how far would you go for $5:00

I love you, but I am not in love with you.

I BELEIVE– that you should always leave loved one with loving words. It may be the last time you see the.

You say you know Jesus, The question is does He know you.

The reason we have so many earthquakes, is that there are far to  many evil people buried in it.

If you came here for nothing, how far would you go for a five dollars.

The earth is growning and in upheaval as more sinful men and women are buried in it.

The answer to one’s problems, God is the answer.

People are willing to go to hell instead of making things right with God and others.

Gossip destroys Gods house.

If you came to see me for free, how far would you go for a $100.00

Ones future is now, today.

If someone has to love you it is meaningless.

Believe us, someone always wants your junk.

Emotional pain last a whole life time.

Money- only to much is enough.

Love does not worry about preferences of self.

It is said! Almost all friends will support you in your trials, But MOST family members will betray you for their own pleasures.

If you can’t be thankful for where you are, be thankful for where you’re NOT

The greater of forgiveness that  is received the greater the love is offered in return.

Sin over powers Jesus, sin is more important than Jesus.

There is a no good Christian only a redeemed Christian.

Most religious people do not know who saved them.

Most Christian will spread rumours and condemn others failing to see their own faults.

God wrote His love in RED.

Religious people get jealous when you mention that God spoke to you.

Thoughts go before actions.

Faith is weak for many, but worldly living is a strong deception.

Sex is always better with the devil  (fornication/adultery) than with ones wedded spouse.

Preaching is always required by parables of ones own daily living.

Good does not judge us for doing some thing for his glory, He judges us for doing nothing.

The kind of preacher you have on the altar is the kind of people one has in the pews.

Disciples of Jesus are known by the way they talk and act.






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